Stumbling All The Way Toward Better Health

For starters, I never thought I'd start a blog. I was never sure whether or not I had anything unique that was worth saying. I'm still not certain I do, however, it occurred to me that I am beginning a journey and it's one from which I will be very tempted to stray. I know, because I have already done it. I was trying to think of ways to help me stay the course and from there, I arrived at a writing a blog. How else does one keep on track, but by being totally public?!

A little over a year ago, a friend of mine had done a Whole 30 and was looking and feeling fantastic. Inspired by her success, I did my own and the results were incredible. I looked great. I was never a skinny-minnie (I'm sure aspects of my chubby kidom will leak in future posts), but I got to a point where I weighed 4 lbs. less than I ever had at my thinnest in high school. What's more, I have fought a battle with depression and anxiety as long as I can remember and my brain felt clear. I was still on my meds, but I was even more happy and at peace. Walking on clouds... that's the thing I can't stop thinking about: how much better I felt mentally.

Then summer came with its beer, ice-cream, picnics, wine, and all around engorgement. I put some weight back on and fell off the paleo wagon, but when fall rolled around, I felt I could get back into a routine and wrangle it in.

And oh, what a fall it ended up being. We returned home from two weeks of vacation and an all-night drive from Chicago to discover every New Yorker's worst nightmare: BEDBUGS. The purging of STUFF. The bagging. The heat-treating. It was so overwhelming. Those little bastards are insidious, let me tell you. While I treated them with heat, I treated myself with comfort food and beer.

While we conquered the bedbugs (she says, knocking on wood), I'd slipped further away from my paleo ways, I slipped less easily into my clothing, and slipped further into self-loathing.

And what is (not really) the best treatment for self loathing?!

UNADULTERATED GLUTTONY!

That brings me to today: May 11. I don't want to do another Whole 30 and I am really done with "DIETING" or programs. I know that it's time to change my lifestyle and the only way I can really do it and stick to it is by allowing myself to be imperfect. I'm not interested in cutting out all carbs, grains, legumes, sugars, booze, dairy, etc. for the rest of my days. I like those things.

Shoot. I flipping LOVE those things. I would marry them, if I could.

I know that if I give them the axe, I'll only return to them later with a vengeance. This is why I have decided to be "The Imperfect Cavegirl." Stumbling toward a paleo lifestyle. Ready to make mistakes and poor choices, all while moving in the right general direction.

Welcome to my journey.